


NILF

by belial



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-23
Updated: 2012-08-23
Packaged: 2017-11-12 17:39:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belial/pseuds/belial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Navy I’d Like to Fuck = NILF.  And head wounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	NILF

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: If I owned them, do you really think I’d be telling you about the hot and dirty sex I get to watch? Yeah, right… nothing is mine. 
> 
> Notes: Fulfilling a jealous!Danny prompt running around in my mind only. Humor.

"God, he's such a NILF."

Danny stares at the EMTs, confused. "What?"

"Your partner," the woman says, applying butterfly bandages to Danny's eyebrow. Because, you know, when giant assholes decide to split your skull, you get wounded. "NILF."

"What the hell's a NILF?"

"Navy I'd like to fuck," the dark-haired guy to his right supplies, groaning. "Dude, seriously, where you been? Half the HPD and the entire hospital community calls him that."

"Even the straight half, Stewart," the woman replies, and the other EMT goes crimson. "No doubts in my mind, that man's made for one thing."

"Hello?" Danny waves a hand in front of her face before he's scarred for life any further. "That's my partner you're talking about. I have to work with him and what the fuck, even the straight half?"

She nods. "Sorry, brah. But the general consensus is that you're partner's super hot."

Danny slaps a hand to his forehead and then makes a noise like a wounded animal because, right. Head wound. "Fuck my life."

“Why now?”

Danny will swear to his dying day that he most definitely doesn’t yelp like a scalded puppy. “Jesus, McGarrett! Tie a bell around your neck, or something!”

Steve grins at him, one of those ‘I’m-so-cute-how-could-you-possibly-be-mad-at-me-Danno?’ looks that sinks Danny’s battleship every single time. Since, you know, boat references seem appropriate right now. “Sorry,” he says, blazingly not sorry. Defiantly not sorry. Ridiculously not sorry. Danny hopes at some point a thesaurus will drop from the sky and crush him to death. Death by adverbs. Yeah.

“No, you’re not,” Danny says, pointing a finger at his partner’s ( _THAT_ partner, the one every straight and gay Hawaiian wants to fuck, and Jesus Christ) chest. “No, you’re not, or you wouldn’t go running into a building that has _bullets flying out of it, Steven_ , you wouldn’t go _risking your goddamn life every thirty seconds_ without taking at least one brain cell to focus on the fact that you will be leaving me _without a partner_ and forcing me _TO EXPLAIN TO GRACE HOW DANNO LET HER UNCLE STEVE GET KILLED._ You are not sorry, you are less than sorry, you...”

Sadly, Danny’s tirade gets cut off when Steve leans in and presses their mouths together. Danny can’t find it in his heart to do more than stare at Steve, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, when Steve finally pulls away. “I wasn’t apologizing for doing my job. Which, as you know, I do quite well. No, I was apologizing for the fact that so many people want to have hot, wild sex with me.”

“You –“

“But the point is, Danny – and are you listening to me? – the point is, you shouldn’t worry about how many people want to have sex with me. You should be happy.”

“Happy?!?!” Danny isn’t sure if it’s a shout or a squeak, and manfully crosses his arms over his chest before Steve can call him on it. “Happy, he says, and why is that, huh? Explain it to me, explain to me why I should be _HAPPY_ about hearing people call you ‘Navy I’d Like to Fuck’. Tell me.”

“Because while a lot of people may want to fuck around with me, I only want to be with you,” Steve says, leaning in to kiss him again. Like kissing Danny is the most natural thing in the world, like there aren’t two hyperventilating EMTs on either side of them and Danny isn’t bleeding from yet another McGarrett-inspired head wound. “Because I wouldn’t trade loud-mouthed, annoying, undersexed overworked hot Jersey for any other person on this island.”

“I am not annoying,” Danny replies, and winces. Fuck, if that was his best argument, he must’ve been hit harder than he thought. “And fuck you too, McGarrett.”

Steve overlooks his witty rejoinder and turns to the guy, Stewart. “Can I take him home now?”

Stewart – traitorous, in love with the NILF Stewart, and Danny glares daggers at him just for good measure – nods. “Yeah, uh. Yes, Commander. He’s really fine. Err, I mean, he’s good to go… um. You can take him now?”

Danny resists the urge to punch the guy, but just barely, and tries to tune out the female EMT’s howls of laughter. “You owe me for this,” he threatens, but at the look of fond adoration in Steve’s eyes, he quibbles. “I mean it.”

“How about every day for the rest of our lives?”

“Seriously, do you actually score with those lines, McGarrett? Because – OOMPH!”

Steve – caveman, Neanderthal, SuperSEAL, stealer of virtues everywhere – ignores Danny’s rambling and scoops him up, using a fireman’s carry to steal the blonde back to the car. “STEVEN!”

“Save the yelling of my name for twenty minutes, Danno,” Steve says, depositing Danny in the passenger seat of the Camaro, buckling him in and planting a kiss to his mouth. “I promise, in twenty minutes, you’re gonna yell that again and again.”

“With the way you drive? Ha! You’d better plan on making it ten minutes,” Danny says, unable to snark at Steve while simultaneously picturing the man naked.

“Ten it is.”

“That’s better, you NILF.”

“You love it.”

Danny turns in his seat to look at Steve, and smiles before he can think better of it. “Yeah. Yeah, babe, you know? I really, really do.”

~FIN~


End file.
